Every year, thousands of young women head off to campus, completely unprepared for the most common source of danger - and it isn't strangers.  It’s the people they know. 

80% of Rape Victims Know their Attackers

Being threatened or raped by someone you know carries a whole new set of baggage that young victims are particularly ill equipped to deal with. There is a betrayal of trust.  There is a heightened perception of guilt and feeling of responsibility.  There is often less understanding and/or sympathy from friends and peers, who may have divided loyalties. And all too often there is an escalated sense of shame and humiliation because friends talk. 

When rape is brushed off, as it still frequently is, as nothing more than drunken antics at a party, the victim becomes the target.  When even the victim feels that what happened to her wasn’t really rape- just a mistake, young lives get seriously messed up. It happens all the time, on every campus across the country. 

 
Date and Party Rape are Almost Never Reported

Instinctively, everyone has a good idea that’s the case. Rape after all goes largely unreported anyway. About 60% of cases are never reported. But the acquaintance/ campus/ date rape statistics are truly horrific.  Up to 90% of these occurrences go unreported. 

That means that in 90% of cases this is a crime that carries no penalty for anyone but the victim.

There are a lot of reasons that this is true.   Do not underestimate the terrible power of embarrassment, shame, fear, confusion, peer pressure, misplaced loyalty, self blame, ridicule or pride.  Lot’s of women tell themselves. “It’s ok. It’s nothing.  I’ll get past this” but they carry the pain around for years.  It can damage them and their relationships, for a long time.

So this is what you or your daughter need to know.

• Often we take comfort knowing that if someone commits a crime against us they will pay. Well, the odds are that if someone commits this crime against you, they’re going to get away with it.  So, your only realistic shot at justice is prevention.
• When you mix young people and alcohol, stupid things happen and situations can very easily get out of hand. If you’re been drinking with a couple of guys and they turn on you, people will blame you. It’s not right, but that won’t make any difference.
• When the voice in your head says something is wrong, stop and listen.  If a date is making your uncomfortable, declare it immediately.  Tell them to, “STOP RIGHT NOW”.  Do not waffle.  Do not worry about being embarrassed or hurting anyone’s feelings. Once you’ve made that clear, leave.  You don’t have to leave in a huff, just say that you feel it’s time to go.  Leave the option open to go out again (if you’d like) but tonight is over. 
• When the voice in your head says something is wrong with a new relationship, stop and listen.  It’s easy to be swept away by the perfect guy and not see the danger signs of a potentially abusive relationship. 
• Never bail on a friend when she’s had too much to drink.  There will always be another party, another night out, but your friend is vulnerable and as difficult as she might be – take charge and get her back to where she is safe. 
• Never go out to parties or clubbing alone.  Go with someone you trust not to leave you stranded if you become impaired, no matter how obnoxious you might get. 
• A college and university campus is filled with all kinds of people.  They do not have an automatic right to your trust.  There will be people there who are NOT like the friends you grew up with and really don’t deserve your trust, so hand it out sparingly.

Good people can do bad things and smart people can do stupid things.  As simplistic as this sounds, a more harmful simplification is the myth that “Stranger Danger” is the greatest risk to a college girl. 

On a Date, In a Club...

• If a date or an acquaintance is making you feel uneasy, let them know.  If they don't back down  completely and immediately - leave.
• Beware of drugs and alcohol.  Your best self defense product is your own good judgment- use it.
• Never accept a drink from a stranger.
• Do not leave a drink unattended
  
• Never accept a drink that you didn't see poured.
• Do not leave your purse unattended
  
• When you carry pepper spray on a key chain or in your purse - don't tell anyone about it.  Surprise is a big tactical advantage if you need it.
• Go out with your friends and stay together.
• Don't abandon a friend who's had too much to drink.
• NEVER take a man you've just met back to your apartment
• Don't carry money or credit cards around with you that you don't need
• Never loan a stranger your cell phone
• Always carry enough money for a taxi
• Carry a cell phone and dial 911 if you're being harassed